


Copilot

by midnighttypewriter



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: (steve and bucky are dead or assumed to be dead), Character Study, Misogyny, implied steve/peggy - Freeform, mentions of character deaths, sort of a Pacific Rim AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-07
Updated: 2014-08-07
Packaged: 2018-02-12 06:06:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2098455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/midnighttypewriter/pseuds/midnighttypewriter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I want back because that's where I'm most useful. I'm good at it, my score is-"</p>
<p>"Unparalleled, I know." </p>
<p>---</p>
<p>Not really a Pacific Rim crossover. More like, Agent Carter one-shot meets Pacific Rim - there's a lot less equality than in the Pacific Rim canon.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Copilot

**Author's Note:**

> I really wanted to write this but I couldn't think of a proper plot, so it ended being a character study of sorts.   
> At least it's out of my head now.

One of Peggy's grandmothers used to sleep sitting in an armchair for as long as Peggy could remember. She was terrified that if she ever laid down, she would never wake up again. At twenty six, Peggy knew too well that it didn't matter whether you lay or stood or marched; when it was time, the death took you, merciless. And Peggy would much rather die in a jaeger fighting a kaiju than on the shore running from one.

"Has the list been prepared yet?" she asked the moment the medical cleared her for action. There were still bruises coloring her skin under her clothes, but she was ready. Ready and motivated. 

"What list?" Flynn asked her, sizing her up with his gaze. There was a twist to his mouth, similar to the one she saw on his face when she had marched in shoulder to shoulder with Steve Rogers several months ago. A lifetime ago. 

"The candidates for my new copilot, sir. I was cleared for duty so there's no reason for further delay. I understand repairs on _Captain America_ are almost finished?" She was both surprised and proud to hear no crack in her voice when she said the jaeger's name. She had not been the one to name it; Steve had. Steve and his first copilot, James Barnes. She mourned them both, the very core of her body filling up with pain and ice. It was not the time for mourning the death, not when there were the living to protect. 

Flynn frowned; she had seen that frown so many times ever since he had started supervising the jaeger and pilots assignations. "But Miss Carter, there's no need for you to return to a jaeger, ever," he said. "You did good job when you were needed, well above the expectations, sure, but there are people to take over now."

"Excuse me?" She aimed to keep her tone polite, but it came out hostile. Good. The anger she felt was justified. 

"There's no need for you to step in as a pilot again." He talked to her as if she was a child, or perhaps particularly slow. Moment longer and he would probably pet her and offer her a treat… and she would feel the justified urge to break his arm, which she would refrain from doing, because Peggy Carter was a professional. 

"I was not aware I was just stepping in," she said. 

He ignored her. "We'll find a suitable work for you to keep you occupied."

***

_She walked the jaeger a painful step after painful step to the shore. Her body worked on autopilot, her mind blanked by the white hot pain of shock and loss. The images of Steve dying mixed in her brain with memories of memories, with his pain over the death of Bucky Barnes. She walked, her face wet with tears. She walked, because she was still alive and she would not stand still waiting for death._

***

"Revenge, Carter? That's not what I had you pegged for." Stark was leaning against the wall, watching her with that expression of his that looked amused just enough to hide any true feelings he might have.

"What are you talking about?" she asked, her eyes narrowed. Peggy never truly disliked Stark, but he wasn't exactly her favorite person to spend time around. Right now she wasn't sure she wanted his presence in her room, whether she had the patience for his particular brand of eccentric. 

"Isn't that why you're so eager to get back in the jaeger?" He looked over the pictures that covered her wall and stopped at Steve's photograph. Peggy turned away. 

"Wrong," she said. She was angry, sure. Angry at the kaiju, at the world, at the unfairness of it all. Only, anger should never be the sole motivation and she wasn't going to let it take over her. It could be blinding. It could lead to mistakes and more people dead in the ocean. "I want back because that's where I'm most useful. I'm good at it, my score is-"

"Unparalleled, I know." Stark's tone was surprisingly soft. He put his hand on Peggy's shoulder. "I've been thinking about adjustments to _Captain America_. If you'd like to see."

They ended up pouring over his plans for the machine, Stark asking for her input and Peggy offering new ideas, and to Peggy's surprise, it made her feel better. To pretend, for a few too short hours, that it was a certain thing the jaeger would be hers again and no one would stop her.

***

_She sat with Steve while he cried. She sat with him until he stopped crying and for a long time after and she told him what he needed to hear._

_No one sat with Peggy while she grieved for Steve. Yes, people expressed their sympathy but then tiptoed around her, treated her as if she had in that fight come to some irreparable damage that couldn't be fixed. Even the other pilots, the ones who had been Steve's friends, seemed to not know how to open their mourning circle for her. Perhaps, she thought, no one thought she would have accepted it – she had kept people at an arm's length for a long time. Out of necessity rather than anything. To make it in the world, she needed to be better than the men around her, ten times better to get half the recognition. And in the world where every smile was taken for invitation, she kept her guard._

_Steve Rogers, she had liked. He understood the pain of doors slammed in one's face, kept that understanding with him even once every door started opening wide for him._

_Perhaps no one thought she would have wanted to share her pain with._

_Perhaps no one really understood._

__

***

The alarm sounded and Peggy was up and out of her bed before her brain fully processed what was going on. So many times she had woken up to that sound. Though they had never made it an official bet, she and Steve had always competed to be geared up first. When he had died, they scores had been tied.

She was ready before she realized she would not be going anywhere. Without a copilot, she couldn't pilot a jaeger, not into a battle. 

Yet she was halfway to _Captain America_ when she heard a voice behind her.

"Trying to do it alone is a suicide."

Peggy turned and found herself facing a blonde woman she had seen around before but only knew as Lorraine. 

"You can't pilot it on your own," Lorraine repeated, taking a step forward. She was dressed like a recruit. "Trust me, if it was at all possible, I'd do it myself."

She was right, but Peggy still heard herself saying: "I did it before."

"You only walked. Pumped up on adrenaline and desperate. But you can't lead it to battle alone." Before Peggy could answer, she continued: "Look, Carter. I don't want to fight. Stealing the jaeger? That'll be the only option. But you can't pilot it alone."

"And I'll need someone to help me get it out to the battle," Peggy admitted, resigned. She was as bad as Steve sometimes, wasn't she? Maybe that was why they had got along so well.

"Yes." Lorraine looked around and then continued: "I've a suggestion. We sit this one out. There're three other machines available, so we sit this one out and test how compatible we are. And the next time, the next time we'll do whatever we want."

**Author's Note:**

> You can also find me on [Tumblr](http://midnighttypewriter.tumblr.com/).


End file.
